i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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