the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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