We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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