I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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