i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
there's paper in my vomit.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Semen is not good for contacts.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
