Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
