I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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