No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
