Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
