Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
