How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
