Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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