i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
