my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think my moral compass just broke
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