Don't make out with my wife yet
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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