We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
