Duck Duck Cougar?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
