I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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