The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
