Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
only if we run a train.
done.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
