I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
