so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
