Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
