Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
