addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
