that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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