Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
