i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
