I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
