By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
