Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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