Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
