your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
