True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
