I think im going to throw up on grandma
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
