I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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