dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
