The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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