gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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