U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
