You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think I just sharted jello shots
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
