and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
