I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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