you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
