i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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