Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
