I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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