What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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