pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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