Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
