I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
