I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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