Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
