I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize