I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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