I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
