I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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