girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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