we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
