chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize