He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
