well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
