If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
