i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize