i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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