sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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