So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
my god I love twenty year old dicks
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
