Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
