So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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