everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
