This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize