so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
