I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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