well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
vagina is talking i cant
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
