just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize