If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
